I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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