i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Don't EVER smell your tampon
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
