I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
