It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Life is so much better after having sex.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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