I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize