it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
