I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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