did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
