Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Randomize
