It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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