My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
