He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
