my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
