you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
