How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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