Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
