I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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