I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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