I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
well you can't waste a boner
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
