I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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