Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
