My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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