i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
