Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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