Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
