Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
