She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
