I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
