doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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