Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
only if we run a train.
done.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
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is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
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I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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