I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
