hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
