i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
