Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Two words: blizzard sex
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
