is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
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