Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
