I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
