i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
