Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
