dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
