Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
