Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Soap is not a condiment
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
