I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
