i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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