I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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