Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
