Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
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I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
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And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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