He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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