then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
