his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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