better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
