How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
