gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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