We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
