Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
either way he was missing a nipple.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
