tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
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Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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