Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
