Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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