From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Randomize
