Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
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Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
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I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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