if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
