I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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