If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I looked at my own cervix.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
