if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
