if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
