"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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