My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
