At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
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