my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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