maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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