I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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