Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
