she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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