You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Damn victory sex feels great
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
