My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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