I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
